It's been a few days, World, so here's the stuff. I saw Coach yesterday and he is pleased with the medications that Dr. Thurman prescribed last Friday. I can report that I no longer eat an orange for breakfast. I don't eat cereal most mornings either as I feel nauseous when I first wake up. The sick feeling usually wears off around lunch time and I manage to hold down something light. By evening, I actually feel like eating, then I take the meds, go to sleep, and start all over again. I'm down 2 pounds from last Friday. So it's not the way I wanted to lose weight, but at this point, I'm willing to consider the loss a benefit to weigh against the sickness. Also, the 3 pm crash (I have always had an energy low between 3 and 5 pm) is worse now, but that probably has more to do with how little I'm eating, than the meds. However you look at it, the meds have stopped my 3 am checking rituals because I don't wake up and my breakfast rituals because I can't eat. Oh, the miracles of modern medicine!
Coach and I also talked about deep breathing to make it through the freak outs. This is where being a musician (and especially a wind player) comes in handy. I learned how to deep breathe in my earliest trumpet lessons as a kid and I just trained myself to do it all the time. The trick I learned yesterday was to exhale twice as long as I inhale and to concentrate on a word or phrase that is calming to me. Also if I turn the corners of my mouth up slightly in a half smile while I exhale through pursed lips, it stimulates cranial nerve 7 in my parasympathetic nervous system causing my body to release endorphins (which apparently are like Prozac mixed with crack). Let me see, deep breathing, pursed lips, turned up corners, yeah sounds kind of like an embouchure doesn't it? This explains why trumpet playing was my preferred method for dealing with the "crazy" when I was younger and also, why I suffer more with it now. I need to play more often, but then, I knew that without the copay.
Now, I need to head for work. I'm looking forward to this weekend. Leslie and I are going away. Just the two of us. She's informed me that I'm not allowed to worry about the cost and assured me that we need to do this. I know we have the money, but then I also know that the doors are locked at 3 am. The bottom line is that she's right, like so many other times before. World, I wish I could truly explain to you how strong and amazing she really is. She'll be what pulls me through this. I'm a fortunate man. God only made one and only he knows why she picked me - probably because he knew I was going to be a handful. Regardless, when it comes to having a hand to hold, I'm so glad I have hers.
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