OCD Makes Conflict Extra Difficult

Day 606

If you've been a reader of this blog for any length of time, you know that I often process heavy things with poetry. I apologize if this one melts your brain, but I promised to share the struggles along with the success. Here you go.

Tension, like dense fog frozen, envelopes the eviscerated carcasses of half-truths hung

Chilling the marrow of well meaning warm bloods, it hardens the hell-bent belligerent tongue

Political poison slowly subdues him, maniacal maneuvers breathe whispers of woe

Beware the plots of polyester pirates that grin with their good eye for things you don't know

Seduced by the secrets that romance rebellion he tears at the frayed edge of friendship forlorn

Irrational fear of betrayal awakens his battle-worn bloodlust for power reborn

No apology appeases his red-faced raging no concession consoles his torment within

In the end he denies me the right of redemption resigning to only repeat it again

I gather the shards of my shattered conviction and piece them together as best I recall

Forged in the fire of pure self-reliance I gather up stones and rebuild my wall

Amazed, I consider the numerous occasions upon which I've risen from rubble and dust

Pain is the process that produces a metal resistant to rot, erosion, and rust

Fractures and fragments lie strewn out behind me the flotsam of faltering footsteps in sand

The pieces I'm missing are now gone forever, the future I'm facing unfolds in my hand

Gone are the innocent days of denial, the challenger beckons me into the street

Facing each other with trigger hands twitching this may be the final occasion we meet

He glares with his drawing hand poised and positioned, promising to mete out my judgement today

But I'm tired of fighting for what doesn't matter so I simply refuse him and just walk away

On a desolate street he festers and curses wondering why he's again all alone

With eyes that look inward he'll never see clearly, the only betrayal of him was his own

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Catching Up with Coach

Day 591

My last meeting with Coach was back in May.  I scheduled a follow-up that day for sometime during the summer, but I missed it, so, needless to say, it had been a while.  We had an awesome time catching up on all that has happened in the last four months (more about that later).

Our main topic of conversation was all of the progress I have made in a year and a half.  The cocktail of meds that I take every night is doing the trick and I'm functioning better than ever.  I can't say that I have completely conquered the "crazy."  I would say it's more like OCD and I have negotiated a form of organized chaos.  I don't know if we'll ever "break up" but we have had "the talk."  We sat down and worked it out.

Me:  "It's not you, it's me.  I just need some space - to think things through.  I need to find myself and what really makes me happy."

OCD: "But..."

Me: "Look, you deserve to be happy too.  I'm not stupid, you know.  I've seen how miserable you've been for the last year and a half."

OCD: "I know it's been rough, but I can change, really."

Me: "I appreciate the thought, but you haven't changed in 38 years and I don't see it happening now.  I just think that some distance will do us good.  It's exactly what we both need right now."

OCD: "Can we still be friends?"

Me: "I don't know, maybe, but things will never be like they were.  We can keep talking I guess and see where things go from there."

OCD: "I can live with that."

Me: "OK."

Disclaimer: If you have to ask me where that bit of dialogue came from, you don't really have OCD.

Anyway, I shared with Coach what I have been working on all summer.  Having my head clear has allowed me to focus on a project that I'm very passionate about.  It's called "Freeing Families."  I identified 12 freedoms that I believe are evident in the life of a healthy family.  Then I created a system to teach people how to strengthen their families so that these 12 freedoms become part of their daily lives.  Once I created all this content, I launched www.freeingfamilies.com.  It's a website where people can go to learn about how it all works.

I also began assembling the entire first year of posts from this blog into a eBook along with some extra bonus content.  I hope to make that available on this blog very soon.  It was an action-packed summer to say the least, but some really great things came out of it.  I have to say that there is a lot of satisfaction that comes from looking at the road behind me and see how far I've traveled.  Thank you so much to all of you who have journeyed with me.  As I told the Coach, this would not have been possible without you.

If you would be interested in a copy of Conquering Crazy Year One, please leave a comment or email me and let me know.  I'm always balancing priorities and, if there is interest in this, I'll move it up the list.