I Can See Clearly Now...I Think

Day 124

I saw Doc Brown yesterday. He checked out all my meds and started me on Methylin (a generic form of Ritalin). The best way to describe it is to say it's like having your eyeglass prescription updated and looking through your new, scratch-free lenses for the first time. Everything seems a little clearer and sharper. I could also say it's like watching and keeping up with 5 TV shows at the same time by constantly flipping channels vs. watching a TV that only gets one or two stations but with better picture and sound.

The Methylin takes 20-30 minutes to begin working and lasts about 8 hours. I have a slight feeling of medicine-head (light-headed, faintly buzzed), but I can actually think about one or two things without having stray random thoughts constantly running through my head. Also, activity going on around me doesn't seem to bother or distract me as much. I'm anxious to try it out in a busy restaurant. Restaurants have always been very difficult for me because of all the sensory input.

Of course, with the marvelous benefits of this medication, like the others, there are side effects. I'm still frequenting the bathroom, eating very little (down 13-14 pounds now depending on the day), and fighting off fatigue and nausea. The worst of the drawbacks though, by far, is the "let down" when it wears off. I can actually feel the chaos returning to my brain and it's a bit depressive. It's strange because normally I would medicate this kind of melancholy with food, but I don't feel like eating, so I'm searching for a remedy that I can use everyday at 5 pm. I see Coach soon, so I'll ask him about it.

All in all, I'm surviving. Doc Brown says that the side effects will even out in 2-3 days and that I'll see the full benefit by then. I know this much; my birthday is next Tuesday and 37 will be dramatically different from 36. There are days when I'm more miserable trying to be normal than I was being crazy. However, I know that life is better for my wife, my children, my friends (and anyone else who, for some odd reason, has chosen to find value in knowing me) than it was 6 months ago, and, because of that, I have to keep trying.