It's called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It has symptoms, a diagnosis, treatment options, medications, books, manuals, websites, television personalities, and even it's own government agency. It's the reason why millions of people wash their hands til they bleed. It's what causes them to touch, tap, step, knock, repeat, chew, speak, count, and check certain things in a certain ways every day. It twists and distorts our understanding of religion, sex, work, family, and friends. It's a clinical condition that can be the scariest place imaginable. It's a prison of the mind, an oppression of the spirit, and a struggle for sanity. It's the fog through which even the brightest light labors to penetrate. It's confusion, anxiety, adversity, and pain.
For me, it's everyday life.
I have exhibited symptoms of OCD for as long as I can remember. Recently, these symptoms have intensified. What used to be the "things that make me unique" have become the "things that make me crazy". This blog is about my struggle with this demon. This is where I will record my day to day thoughts and struggles - my defeats and my victories. I have two choices at this point in my life - roll over and die or fight my way out. I've never been one for rolling over and I'm not about to start now.
You're welcome to walk this valley with me. If you are living with OCD or if someone you love is, take heart. There are brighter days somewhere, and we will find them together.
For 16 years, I felt the same way about my OCD. Since I knew no one else who had it, I thought the symptoms were just personality quirks, even though they were embarrassing to me and annoying to others. Good for you to join me in openly talking about it; too many people hide it out of shame.
ReplyDeleteI feel sad for you in that you feel the only way to treat your OCD is through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've done enough research on it to know that it's both extremely painful and not the most effective way to treat the disorder. I don't know if you saw my series of posts on OCD and the hypnotherapist who successfully treated me. He offers his OCD session for less than $20 dollars. Here is the link to it: http://www.free-hypnosisdownloads.com/component/page,shop.product_details/flypage,shop.flypage/product_id,53/category_id,6/manufacturer_id,0/option,com_virtuemart/Itemid,19/
I STRONGLY encourage you to at least try it for two weeks before committing to your therapist. You might surprise yourself. I know I did.