Victory

Day 300

Triumph, because you're the last soldier standing
Conquer, by not giving in to your fear
Fend off your own inner demon's demanding
Defend everything that you've ever held dear

Surge with all of the strength in your being
Fight with the very last breath in your chest
Stand when the allies around you are fleeing
Rage on and render your skills to the test

Never give up! Never give in!
Never surrender your soul!
Never commit the unpardonable sin.
Force it to swallow you whole.

Press on, my son, though the enemy advances
Ride out to meet him at first light of day
Spur on your charger no matter your chances
Crying aloud, as you enter the fray

Reach deep within you for strength not your own
Unleash the fury of a terrible dream
Mangling muscle and shattering bone
The earth and the heavens resound as you scream

Never give up! Never give in!
Never surrender your soul!
Never commit the unpardonable sin.
Force it to swallow you whole.

Stand watch o'er the shells of the warriors now sleeping
Bind the torn fibers of your war-ravaged mind
Drink mad mournful tears from the bugle now weeping
For lovers and children and friends left behind

Scrub yourself free of the gore from the battle
Note all the bruises and scars that won't heal
Set yourself steady again the saddle
For these are the wounds only time can conceal

Never give up! Never give in!
Never surrender your soul!
Never commit the unpardonable sin.
Force it to swallow you whole.

Force it to swallow you whole.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Christmas Trees and Crazy People

Day 292

"O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, I wish you had some symmetry..."

For all of the heavy and serious things I have posted on this blog, I thought I would share something light-hearted today. Anyone who suffers from OCD knows that some of the things we do are just funny. As I've written before, one of my main issues is perfectionism. I struggle with the need to have things be even, straight, and symmetrical. This can bring about some interesting challenges.

I am a "real tree" person. I grew up in a "real tree" family. I married a "real tree" woman and we are raising a generation of "real tree" kids. All of my grandparents, many of my family members, and most of my friends were "fake tree" people. I tried not to hold it against them. The crazy part of me could actually appreciate the symmetrical nature of these plastic pines, and, let's be honest, they hold presents as well as the real ones. Still, there's something about unboxing a synthetic spruce carried up from the basement that has always seemed lazy to me. There's just something about the smell of real pine that ushers in the holiday season. It mixes so well with cinnamon, cloves, and sugar.

The odd thing about my "real tree" obsession is that it actually competes with my perfection obsession. Think about it, have you ever seen a perfectly symmetrical tree with a straight trunk, perfectly green needles, and a perfect top branch so that the star or the angel isn't crooked? Oh sure, you may get one or two of those characteristics, but not all them. Choosing a tree, then, becomes a process of giving up some of the things that bug me in order to achieve others that I like. This seems entirely reasonable to normal people, but for crazy people, it becomes "Which one of these imperfect trees sucks the least." Not exactly a touching Hallmark holiday sentiment, huh?

This year it was nice to be able to admit to my lovely wife, as we were wandering the rows of tree possibilities, that this is a problem for me. In the past, I simply tried to hide it and often ended up just grumping through the experience. We chose a tree this year with most of the qualifications I desired and later this week, we'll bring it into our home to be part of our Christmas celebration. Then we'll have to decorate it and that carries with it a whole other set of issues, but one thing at a time, right?

Next Tuesday is Day 300, I'm working on something appropriate for the occasion. In the meantime, make the most of this holiday season, and go get a tree. It'll do you good.

First Snow

Day 280

"Normal" has never been a term that fit me. "Creative," "Fascinating," "Strange," "Gifted," "Weird," "Odd," "Rebellious," "Recalcitrant," or "Crazy," but not "Normal." However, even people who have "Crazy" going on, often follow patterns that some may call normalities. Battling increasing amounts of anxiety and depression during the winter months is one of those things. I can't even get this right.

I love winter. I like cold weather. I live for snow. Don't get me wrong, I fight the frozen blues like many other folks, but not until late January or early February. October through December is my favorite season. And today I received one of my favorite gifts - the first snow.

Nothing beats the first snow. It's just cold enough to make flakes, but not so cold that you feel miserable. You can feel the crystallized confetti kiss your face. You can taste it on your tongue as the first snap of icy chill clears the pollen out of your head and wakes you up from the decongestant fog of summer.

Yeah, the sky is gray and the trees are bare, but God is sprinkling the powdered sugar of heaven all around you. The steam rises from your favorite stone mug as you pour in the first hot chocolate of the season. Cold on the outside, but warm on the inside. It sure beats living the other way around.

To those of you who are experiencing very real increases in your struggles as winter sets in, please know that my thoughts are with you. Gray skies and holiday stress can combine for a nasty cocktail. Let's hang in there together, take our pills, say our prayers, and survive one day at a time. You might also try playing in the snow.