Quick Update

Day 152

Let's see, since I last wrote much has happened. Doc Brown doubled my Ritalin I now take it twice a day. This helps to give my wife and kids some benefit of my new-found "focus." We took vacation to Gatlinburg for 5 days. That was the first time we had gone away for that many days. We stayed at the Parke Vista Double Tree. I highly recommend it, the view is phenomenal and the rooms are really nice.

I had some struggles with the crowds (Saturday night was particularly challenging), but we managed. Let's just say that OCD and trollies are not a good mix. I enjoyed as much of the local food as I could (appetite is still significantly diminished). I'm down another few pounds, at this rate, I may even fall below 200 lbs. by the end of the year. I haven't seen the other side of two bills in a decade. That will feel good. Losing weight almost makes up for losing my hair.

I have much more to write soon, but this is the skinny. I'm still surviving and I know I'll make it eventually. Thanks to everyone who reads this blog (however infrequently I write in it). Your support is vital, your love is appreciated, and your prayers are helping.

Crispiness? Are you serious?

Day 124

I posted an update today, but I'm due for something a bit more interesting. I had a wacky dream the other night. I do graphic design and marketing for a company that owns multiple nursing homes. This company if family owned and the family members are colorful to say the least. I have been contracted with them for a year and a half now, so these people have become my friends and regular parts of my life.

I have always had wacky dreams, but Ambien sort of ramps up the process. There are a few things aout my dreams that you should know. I always dream in color. There is always a musical soundtrack playing in my dreams. People in my dreams have clear faces and voices. Finally, I always dream in first person meaning that I experience the dream through my own eyes.

In this particular dream, the people who own this company had just purchased a camp. By camp I mean 500 acres of wilderness in the middle of nowhere, like a summer camp. In the middle of this land, there was a large hill. We were walking up the hill when one of the family members developed a respiratory condition and began to lag behind. I volunteered to hang back and walk with him while the other went up the hill.

While walking, he noticed a building off to our left. "Let's go see what's in there," he said, "I haven't been in that building yet." It was just a large metal out-building like a big garage, warehouse, or a Vineyard church. This particular guy is the COO of the family's corporation, so he's in charge of the physical running of the facilities. He is also Microsoft certified so he is constantly fixing some server, computer, laptop, or cash register. This is significant because the building was literally filled with the skeletal remains of computers all the back to the Commadore 64. Crossing the room, we saw a door that led us into a second warehouse filled with drums sets and workout equipment. "This is awesome!" he exclaimed, "We could open up a combination workout facility and jazz club!" Nevermind the fact that our clientele is in their eighties and couldn't make it up the hill, let alone workout, dance, or stay awake long enough to enjoy jazz.

While all of this was going on, the owner of the business and my design partner made it to the top of the hill where they discovered the cremation oven. Yes, there was a cremation oven in the middle of nowhere. The owner declared that, since we were in the retirement business already, opening a crematorium only made sense. He also announced that it would be called The Central Crematorium of Crispiness, and that we would have to find a way to market it.

I woke up just as we were about to create a newsletter for the Central Crematorium of Crispiness. When I got to work, I shared my dream with the owners and the other marketing staff. While I don't think we'll be opening a camp, a workout jazz club, or a crematorium anytime soon, I'll be ready just in case.

I Can See Clearly Now...I Think

Day 124

I saw Doc Brown yesterday. He checked out all my meds and started me on Methylin (a generic form of Ritalin). The best way to describe it is to say it's like having your eyeglass prescription updated and looking through your new, scratch-free lenses for the first time. Everything seems a little clearer and sharper. I could also say it's like watching and keeping up with 5 TV shows at the same time by constantly flipping channels vs. watching a TV that only gets one or two stations but with better picture and sound.

The Methylin takes 20-30 minutes to begin working and lasts about 8 hours. I have a slight feeling of medicine-head (light-headed, faintly buzzed), but I can actually think about one or two things without having stray random thoughts constantly running through my head. Also, activity going on around me doesn't seem to bother or distract me as much. I'm anxious to try it out in a busy restaurant. Restaurants have always been very difficult for me because of all the sensory input.

Of course, with the marvelous benefits of this medication, like the others, there are side effects. I'm still frequenting the bathroom, eating very little (down 13-14 pounds now depending on the day), and fighting off fatigue and nausea. The worst of the drawbacks though, by far, is the "let down" when it wears off. I can actually feel the chaos returning to my brain and it's a bit depressive. It's strange because normally I would medicate this kind of melancholy with food, but I don't feel like eating, so I'm searching for a remedy that I can use everyday at 5 pm. I see Coach soon, so I'll ask him about it.

All in all, I'm surviving. Doc Brown says that the side effects will even out in 2-3 days and that I'll see the full benefit by then. I know this much; my birthday is next Tuesday and 37 will be dramatically different from 36. There are days when I'm more miserable trying to be normal than I was being crazy. However, I know that life is better for my wife, my children, my friends (and anyone else who, for some odd reason, has chosen to find value in knowing me) than it was 6 months ago, and, because of that, I have to keep trying.