Heroes and Villains

Day 461

I have a theory about heroes and villains. While villains are likely to be pycho or sociopathic, heroes are more likely to suffer from things like OCD.

Think about it, they already have super powers like super hearing, photographic memories, the ability to multitask and process superhuman amounts of simultaneous input, and they solve problems quickly so as not to be burdened by long periods of pointless concentration. In short, they have ADHD.

When my therapist and my shrink diagnosed me with both ADHD and OCD, I didn't see how this was possible. How can a person suffer from the inability to focus and organize while also being enslaved by the need to focus and organize every little thing? It's simple really, I have super powers.

I know it sounds a bit far fetched, but it explains so many things about me. For 37 years, I have carried the loneliness, inner turmoil, and angst that have plagued superheroes throughout history. I always thought it was my own special brand of insanity, some deficiency in my brain, or perhaps a plague of some sort reserved for those destined to suffer a particularly diabolical madness. Imagine my relief when I discovered that I wasn't tragically inflicted at all-- I was just a superhero.

When you boil it all down, I can either choose to see myself as debilitated and lacking because I'm not like everyone else or I can embrace the fact that I can do things other people can't. More often than not, my powers make me handy to have around and they tend to impress the kiddies.

So the way I see it, as long as I remember to use my powers for the good of mankind, I'll be fine. It's also handy to keep in mind that capes pose a choking hazard, spandex doesn't lie, and a good mask really helps pull off the secret identity thing.

So, fear not, good citizens, I vow to keep an ever-vigilant watch for danger, peril, certain doom, horseplay, monkeyshines, and shenanigans. Sleep soundly and rest assured that I will exhibit dogged determination and constant persistence (at least until something beeps or flashes). Puppies, kittens, and cute babies often pose a problem as well. Then there's the peanut butter thing...


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