On the Run - Looking Out for Spiders

Day Twelve

OK, World, I only have a minute - here goes. Minor freak out at work yesterday. I'm sure it was stress induced.

 Strange dream two nights ago. I was sitting in my living room when someone placed a tarantula on my right shoulder.

I freaked out, which made the spider nervous. I thought it was going to bite me so I grabbed it's fangs with my left hand. Quick as lightning, it wrapped itself around my hand and sunk the fangs into the tip of my index finger. In an effort to keep the poison from going further into my body, I ran to the kitchen and, with my 8" chef's knife, lopped off my finger at the first knuckle. Then I wrapped the wound in towels and headed for the hospital.

Next, I woke up with some nasty heartburn and had to drive to Meijer at 2 am for Pepcid. Not sure what that was all about, but it sure was real. Let hope there are no giant spiders lying in wait for me today.

Whipped but I made it.

Day Nine

Well, World, I survived the gig last night. I knew that when I finished one of two things would be true. Either I would have worked out the anxiety during the performance and felt better or I would have held it off for hours only to be hit with it extra heavy around 1 am. I don't know that either of these options happened actually. I was so exhausted when it was over that I just went to bed.

I have zombied through the day today including Bible Study tonight and I'm now ready for bed once again. Tomorrow we begin the workout schedule, the new diet, and the new work hours including time spent in the new office. I'm sure my shrink would caution me against three big life-altering changes at once, but if it was really that big of a deal, I wouldn't be waiting 4-6 weeks now would I? Goodnight, World. We'll go at it again tomorrow.

Pencil me in

Day Eight

I'm experiencing some nasty anxiety tonight as I get ready for a gig. That's something I haven't told you yet, World, I'm a musician. I play in a band and, until recently, gigs were the only things in my life that were relatively " freak out free." My theory is that I didn't get done several work-related things that I had planned to do today, and the "crazy" is taking it out on me this way. I guess we'll find out what my shrink says in only 4-6 weeks.

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It's Our Anniversary...

Day Seven

Do you remember those hot, steamy, Jr. High romances when you celebrated everything imaginable like it was some kind of milestone? "Congratulations, Baby, it's our 5 minute anniversary!"

Well, we're not far off, World. This post marks one week in the "crazy" business. In this first week, I had "the" conversation with everyone who needs to know what's going on with me, I found the shrink of my dreams (I just have to wait 4-6 weeks to see him), and I bought my OCD Bible (no, that's not the name of the book - it's just that important right now). I'm learning why I freak out, trying to freak out less often, and looking forward to having someone to talk to who actually studied this crap.

Now I'm off. Headlong into another weekend. Hopefully, I can enjoy it. Have a great Friday, World. There'll be more to say soon, I'm sure.

By the Book

Day Six

I think I finally found my shrink. The only problem is that he is out of the office until Monday and he's not currently taking new patients. His voicemail says that I can go on a waiting list and maybe get in for an appointment in 4-6 weeks. 4-6 WEEKS! Do you know how many freak-outs can happen in 4-6 weeks, World? This is going to be a long, hard month. But, I'm sure that this is the guy. I know that I want a Cognitive Behavioral approach and he is in the network. I'll just have to wait, that's all - just wait.

In the meantime, because I'm just a pro-active or bust kind of guy, I have to do something. Therefore I bought a book. It's a rather comprehensive book written by a foremost expert on OCD and I figure I can at least learn enough in 4-6 weeks to be dangerous in a therapy session. At the very least, I'll be able to tell whether or not this guy knows his stuff. Like I said before, this is my head we're talking about. I'm not about to let just anyone poke around in there so he can bill my insurance and buy that time-share in Cabo, he's been eyeing.

I'll keep you up to date on what I'm learning in the book, but for now, rest assured that progress is being made.

On a side note, I do my writing at a Panera Bread near my office. Panera has definitely become THE place for job interviews and business meetings. I crack up every time I walk in toting my backpack computer case and sixteen people start eyeing me wandering if I'm the guy they are supposed to meet. One of these days I'm going to sit down and interview for something just for kicks. Wouldn't it be hysterical if I made through the whole interview and got hired to some company before they found out? I have the perfect exit, "I'm sorry sir, I'm crazy and I have an interview obsession." "Now about that promotion..."

Still Searching

Day Five

OK, I have now been shrink searching for over a week. I have some new leads today, so hopefully, I'll be able to land one soon. I have learned all about shrink specialties like "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" and "Psycho-Analysis". I believe I'm looking for one of these Cognitive-Behavior people, but there doesn't seem to be many of them around. I have noticed that they tend to be Psychologists rather than Psychiatrists. I don't know if that's an actual tendency or just the way it shakes out in greater Cincinnati, where I live. I do know that there are only about 5 OCD specialists in this area and three of them aren't in my network and the other two aren't taking new patients. Also, only 2 of the 5 are men. Sorry ladies, but I would really like to see a man on this one. Maybe we can get together over my next neurosis.

I definitely underestimated the anxiety that would come from being turned down my a dozen shrinks. I had a freak-out over it on day 3. The strangest thing was the number of people who just said, "no" and didn't offer to help me find something. It's a good thing that I'm not likely to throw myself off a bridge or anything. I may polish it until it gleams with perfect symmetry in the noon-day sun, but that's the extent of my personal danger.

Today, I will make more calls and maybe, just maybe, I'll find the shrink of dreams. How's that for optimism?