Check Up with Doc Brown

Day 1012

I had a check up with Doc Brown the other day. You remember him, right? He's my shrink.  Anyway, he adjusted my meds to get me back on track. How did I get off track? Well, for that story I have to go back to summer (when I should have been posting, but wasn't).

I see Doc Brown every three months or so and two visits ago, I was feeling pretty good. So good, in fact, that I asked if I could back my Zoloft down from 150 mgs to just 100 mgs. He said I could if I wanted to, so I gave it a try. Despite the fact that this summer was extremely difficult emotionally, I faired relatively well - until fall came.

From the first cloudy cold snap I began to struggle. The anxiety seemed to ramp up daily, I couldn't focus at all without the Concerta, and depression was creeping in. Productivity was a daily obstacle. I floated from bits of this project to bits of that one - never actually completing anything (and when you work in marketing - an industry fueled by timing and deadlines - that's really bad). I could feel a complete freak out looming and I knew I had to head it off.

God bless Doc Brown! When I shared these things with him, he assured me that getting back on track was easily done. He increased my Zoloft back to 150 mgs and we discussed other options such as light therapy. I also informed him of some relaxation audio that I've been using lately and he agreed that this was a good idea.

I also told him of a special mission that I am undertaking in the spring. I have been inspired by my best friend, Tim, who recently completed his first triathlon as a gift to himself for his fortieth birthday. I turn 40 next July, so I've decided to hike a section of the Appalachian Trail to celebrate. Fortunately, Tim has agreed to hike it with me. Doc Brown believes that this will be very beneficial for me and I think he's right.

I will keep you informed on the progress of my AT (that's big boy hiker talk for Appalachian Trail) training and planning. For now, I have been on the increased dosage for two days. No real change yet, but it's supposed to take a week or so to build back up.

I think it's important to mention that I don't feel defeated or set back in any way because of this. My decision to reduce my dosage was not an attempt to eliminate the medication. I used to think that if I could get off the meds, I would be well. I don't measure wellness like that anymore. The meds are there to help me and they need to be what they need to be. I measure wellness by the quality of the life I live from day to day and the quality of the life that I contribute to those around me. The meds are simply tools that I use to make wellness happen.

What experiences have you had with adjusting your meds? Leave a comment below and share.

Birds on a Wire

Day 1007

This is a fun poem I wrote today while taking a "Brain Break" from my work.

Birds on a Wire

A dark thrumming thread from pole to pole
The congregation calls the roll

Dotted lines, hammered tacks
Measuring marks, railroad tracks

Come to order feathered kin
Discuss new business, two cents in

Make decisions, have your say
Meeting adjourned, now on your way

An empty thread against the sky
A board room for winged passers-by

Issues of conscience and consequence weighed
In an aviary congress this November day

What matters of state, religion, and law
Are voiced as the Brethren sound forth their "caw"?

The context of such are known only to God
It's not for the rest of us down on the sod

So the poles just stand, and the thread keeps on thrumming
'Til tomorrow when another such gathering is coming